cheeky comments.

the chocolates inside the box

2005-12-29T18:45:00.000+08:00

my friend jill, in her babbling muttering split-personality state, said " the sunken garden sinks like half an inch every year. then why do they call it the sunken garden when it's not done sinking yet? it should be called the sinking garden."

i'm sure there are more than a couple of thousand things wrong with that statement, but it actually is a good springboard for a year-end retro-look. i know the year's not done yet (believe me.) but i guess this is a good night as any to see my pot of gold under the rain of shit this year. this has gotta take the cake for the suckiest year ever, but i did learn a couple of things. sticks and stones may break my bones, but a bruise tells me to duck next time.

when it rains, it pours. most days may seem pretty dormant, until a seemingly uneventful day gets a hint of action. good or bad, they're all the same. a momentum builds up, starting from a cup of coffee and a cramming session. then you see yourself sitting down with someone who wakes up those fluttering creatures in your abdomen. and then the next thing you know, you see the other one who used to have that effect on you. it's all lovely and confusing. then you wake up, and no one's there to sit with you. it's all silent and lonely. it's like you keep wishing for stuff all year long, and they're finally granted all at the same time. which is not necessarily a good thing. but the moment you complain, everything's taken away. all that's left is an owl's hoot.

the wind may cause the bamboo to sway, but not without the bamboo's permission. the way i see it, events in life happen as a fruit of a two-stemmed tree. first, there's the influence. next come's the decision. it's so easy when you're the audience looking in on a chess game. it's as if all the right squares light up in an attempt to lead the pieces to victory, and you just wanna scratch your head in disgust when the ones playing don't have a clue. but sometimes, it's easier when your nose is up close. rare, but it happens. and what do you do if there's this outside voice who thinks he knows better? two things. follow him, or follow yourself. either way, you gotta decide.

the hands and the feet are two different entities. i'm sure we all know what our extremities do. but have you ever given thought to what their actions actually represent? i see it this way. the hands, they're there for us to touch, feel and grip things. the tips tell us the things that are worth holding on to. and we grip, the tightness representing the value of the object. or let go, if the thorns go in deep enough to tell us that we're bleeding. and then there are the feet, which become tools for us to walk steadily on practically any surface. they're meant for us to plant ourselves next to things we would want on our side, or help us walk away from the things that hurt. but sometimes, these two think they're all that. they ignore the fact that even if you're holding onto something so familiar, it doesn't mean you should. it may seem like it doesn't hurt, that's probably because your nerves are deadened from the years of enduring the thorn in your palm. it may also mean that if you let go, you bleed. but bleeding's good, it starts the healing process. learn to let go, and walk away. the bleeding will stop and the hurt will be nothing more than a scar.

i think i'll end with jill's thought. the sunken garden is still sinking. don't call something until it's ended. things may still happen.

first gear. vroom vroom.

2005-12-01T22:41:00.000+08:00

you know what time is? time is something man invented so that two things can't happen at once. it's only natural, if you think about it. the world must unfold events one after the other. can you imagine if two things happen at the same time? we'd all drop dead. we'd expire in a state of unrelentingly lethal combination of confusion and exhaustion, accompanied by previous episodes of headache, insomnia and anorexia. and chain smoking, if you're the type.

however, what sucks is that time is relative. if there's someone who can run nonstop for 49 days, there's someone bound to run for 50. if you think you're the first one to wake up in the morning, there's one person somewhere who's trying to sleep because he's a half day awake ahead of you. adding insult to injury, 80 percent of everyone has a wrong perception of right timing; and 92 percent of the time, it just so happens you're part of that chunk of retards. poor unfortunate retarded you.

and what can you do? diddly-squat. that's an actual verb meaning you did all you can do and yet you're squatting there by the corner waiting for shit to happen. now that's proof of life. you still have enough leg energy to wait it out.

100 bottles of beer on the wall, 100 bottles of beer. you take one down, you give the rest to me. makes the waiting easier.

london bridge fell down

2005-11-30T06:50:00.000+08:00

i hate it. it's a curse. the moment i start to get excited about something, or when people hype things about me up, i'm bound to fall swift and hard. yesterday i was flying. now the weight of six feet of soil feels oddly real and cold on my face.

fuck it. i need a beer or seven.

a random first alarm in the morning thought

2005-11-29T05:35:00.000+08:00

when did things start to get complicated? i remember the times when all i needed to think about was if i've done my homework, or if i've been a good enough boy all year to get the thing that i want this christmas. but now, i've got to think about a lot more than that. i have to separate what i want to do, what i think i should do, and what i ought to do. reality has become such a hazy dream. i never felt the transition from simplicity.

the good thing is i've been practicing how to live for 24 plus years... and i think i'm pretty good at it. i don't mind life being so damn difficult, because i know there's something there for me that i ought to go digging around for. what's a little soil underneath my nails?

i need to learn to wake up early.

good times!

2005-11-28T08:27:00.000+08:00

taking advantage of the long weekend, we trooped over to tali, courtesy of gus's mom (thanks tita carmen!) i think this was one of the best trips ever! it was me, joey, mike, cyrus, tracy ther, joy, jill and dons. count it.. this time there are more girls than guys... it's not all guys, all the time anymore! haha! of course we all missed gus and his malignantly entertaining dancing antics, but he was there in spirit. and in a 1988 picture of a 24-year-old-looking first grader.

more insights to come. hold on, children.

lie prone on the pavement before me

2005-11-23T05:30:00.000+08:00

The Republic of Alibangbang

"Only god can make a tree."

UN Category: New York Times Democracy
Civil Rights:Good
Economy:Very Strong
Political Freedoms:Superb
Location: the South Pacific

The Republic of Alibangbang is a tiny, devout nation, notable for its barren, inhospitable landscape. Its hard-nosed, hard-working, intelligent population of 5 million enjoy a sensible mix of personal and economic freedoms, while the political process is open and the people's right to vote held sacrosanct.

The medium-sized, corrupt government is mainly concerned with Religion & Spirituality, although Commerce and Education are on the agenda. Citizens pay a flat income tax of 11%. A powerhouse of a private sector is led by the Arms Manufacturing, Soda Sales, and Book Publishing industries.

Crime is a problem. Alibangbang's national animal is the prairie dog and its currency is the varia-varia.

got this from becky. if you too live in your own little world, go materialize it.

finally... my first time.

2005-11-22T13:03:00.000+08:00

to all those who are wondering, it's time to stop. yes, i finally did it. i've been putting it off for years now, but since everyone i know has gone through, i think it's time i catch up. to tell the truth, i didn't know what all my apprehension was for. it's such a normal thing, and after it all, it's just kinda ok. although, it was almost 3 hours long.

finally i've seen harry potter one. to those who're still virgin to the idea of a magical land of old farts with wands... jump in, folks! the water's fine. i hope the next three ones are better, though.

note: haha. you thought wrong, kid. naughty naughty. now hit me.

cubao is the new makati

2005-11-11T22:06:00.000+08:00

haha. well not really... at least not until tim yap says so. but this event got my hood climbing up at least seven rungs up the social ladder.

yehey!

2005-11-06T23:25:00.000+08:00

classes start in about 7 hours and 35 minutes.

mother earth, if in that time frame you decide to kindly spin the other way around and set back time for about 2 weeks, that would be swell.

old thought

2005-11-05T12:11:00.000+08:00

hoping is good. it makes you crawl out of reality for just a moment and gives you the power to see things that are normally invisible. you get to see that there's something beautiful to look forward to, even though what you see around you dictates otherwise.

hope is something you can have for yourself, without the fear of anyone being able to take it away from you. the only thing that tarnishes its beauty is you not believing. opening your palm in a sign of surrender lets go of your grip on that single powerful thing that may possibly make the world just a bit better to live in.

so, my friends, hold on to hope. beauty should soon follow.

birthdays and birthday suits :">

2005-11-04T13:46:00.000+08:00

last night was pretty... weird, for lack of a better word. i had dinner with ther and joe in big buddha (well, buddha bar according to ther. haha!). we had to veer away from any meal with broccoli beacuse 'd be in a car with other people from her office coz they're all going to baguio. now, what ther eating broccoli and her being in a car with other people have to do with each other, i'll leave to you to deduce (clue: cars need gas. gas.)

then we went to leeanne's party at temple. it was pretty cool feeling a bit old and worn out... sarcasm intended. we just had a couple of beers. we left early coz it was pretty cramped inside and there were no chicks for mike.

if you're a little slow on picking up coded messages, then the night ended here. if not, then read on.

me, joe and ems went to, uhm, "mr. kabab" to meet up with *** and wowie. it's been a long time since we've been to, uhm, "mr. kabab", save for wowie. oh and joao, coz he and farm followed. there were a lot of, uhm, finger foods available, but noone was hungry (that, or noone was loaded... hee hee) enough to buy, so we just sat around and let the night, uhm, dance away (pak! pak! pak!). i think ems enjoyed the night coz it was her first time there... (abi and fel: we'll bring you there next time). the menu was a bit less than appetizing though, except for this one saucy dish, which was the tiramisu in a dessert tray of dirty ice cream and santan nectar.

"then we went to pier one. fun times."

POT Week

2005-11-03T15:36:00.000+08:00

i'll try to start this new segment. pictures of the week. not the kind that makes you high. (tsk tsk i guess we know where your head is at.)

these were taken at off the grill, about a couple of months back. this, i think, was the second to the last gig of barbie's cradle. man, i followed that band everywhere for almost 2 solid years. what a loser. i had accomplices though, but i won't name them for their sake. (don't worry joey puno and lovine gopez.) with the L's on our foreheads aside, it was a really great experience. it's overwhelming being able to witness a group of people actually loving their work. they're tired but had enough energy to uplift everyone. oh well, they've gone their seperate ways now for personal reasons and career decisions. but it's all good. god keep them.

"don't just make a living, make a life." - b :">

i'm a bar in singapore!

2005-11-03T09:26:00.000+08:00

haha. joey and gus went to this rather shady bar in singapore... and look at the name. freaky coincidence. actually, it's cheeky monkeys. but the fuckers left out part of the sign in the picture. thought it was real though.

hhmm.

2005-11-02T18:27:00.000+08:00

would you rather it rained 20 peso bills or gold bricks?

god i'm bored.

today's quote

2005-10-31T18:23:00.000+08:00

" you shall not have carnal relations with an animal, defiling youself with it; nor shall a woman set herself in front of an animal to mate with it; such things are abhorrent."

uhm. ok. that came from the laugh-a-minute page-turner that is the book of leviticus, chapter 19.

uh-huh uh-huh.

second chances

2005-10-31T14:25:00.000+08:00

i never knew what drove me to get out of bed in the mornings. it's not the musty smell of a living biome grown overnight from a dust-covered pillowcase and freshly layered saliva. it's not the thought of having a great day, coz admit it, the great days we've all woken up to, we can count with our hands. then what is the sense in our wanting to crawl out of a place so warm and secure?

i just ordered a pizza from a small place near ours, green cab pizza. yes, we cubao-eneans could be so witty. actually, this is the second time i ordered, coz the last time, their "manager's choice" didn't taste too good. but this time i got their meatlovers. pretty damn tasty.

then i thought about second chances. it's probably the greatest gift we've ever gotten. it's not so much about erasing past events, but to make up for our indecisiveness, our brashness, or lack thereof. every morning that we wake up to, we're given the choices that were laid out the previous day. this time, we get to decide again. this is probably why i even bother to create a negative pressure in my thorax by lowering my diaphragm in order to inspire, or to the layperson, to breathe. (haha. arrogant geek.) there are so many things i regret doing and not doing. i guess i've got to make every morning count then.

senseless? yea probably. then tomorrow morning, don't read this again.

medicine kills

2005-10-29T18:57:00.000+08:00

two of my intern friends were talking. they were both sleepy, i suppose, because they can't be this weird.

one intern said to the other: pare, ba't ang ulan hindi apoy?

i bet log didn't know

2005-10-27T20:15:00.000+08:00

by popular demand of one sarcastic friend (mwah!) i shall write 20 random and pretty useless bits of space-occupying information.

1. i hate gooey vegetables.
2. i don't leave any body part hanging outside the bed when i sleep.
3. i always wanted to shave my head.
4. i'm chicken shit scared of shaving my head.
5. the ring toe on my left foot is hiding under the middle one.
6. i have terrible complexion.
7. i wish i could sing.
8. my left arm is practically useless.
9. i never understood menstruation.
10. i like listening to wilson phillips.
11. i think i have an artistic side.
12. i pick my teeth in public.
13. sometimes my mom uses a set of pink beddings for my bed.
14. i like stepping back, away from the crowd, and just shutting up and looking at how the world works.
15. i am sensitive. really.
16. i sing when noone can hear me. really loudly.
17. i love my friends.
18. i have a slight catcher in the rye syndrome.
19. i have idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura.
20. i like the cold breeze better than an aircon.

spy pa!

2005-04-24T11:06:00.000+08:00

last night was a bit wistful. i got to be with people i missed, people i've known since high school. i had dinner with mia, one of my closest friends since way way back. it was nice being with something so familiar. pizza was great, and the talk was even better. as a side note, last time i went to greenhills was in the 1900s. what the fuck, the place evolved! but it's great, made the place more... classy and gimik-friendly. anyway, yea we had to compress a long talk into one hour. all i can say is that if you think you're problems are so heavy that you're continuously being pulled down, all the people you love, and all the people who love you, will be there to help keep you afloat.

it's amazing how there's a pause button in life. i mean, even if it's been a while since you've seen a friends, the moment you see each other again, it's like the closeness was never lost. it's like a continuation of the last time the two of had a great time together. it's nice. it certainly helps you live through a seemingly uneventful and uninspired day. thanks yam!

and then there was spy. man, we've been watching them since high school! too bad they really don't have regular gigs. they're just.. wow. ah lupet! and to quote sammy, "putangina nyo! meaning, mahal ko kayo." putangina mo rin! haha. too bad i don't have pictures. they did this number, light my fire, a really old song. but they ska-rocked-bitch-slapped it up. uh-mazing. grabeh. i'm speechless. actually, i'm not. just too tamad lang to write. ( <--- valerized language. peace, barbs. hehe.)

innocence and finality

2005-04-23T14:53:00.000+08:00

i went to the transport show in megamall yesterday. and it was the bomb! well, for the most part at least. the vintage cars were cool. but i don't get why those guys paint their cars in awfully bright and visually confusing colors and dress them up to the teeth. for me, the simpler the better. on the outside. i mean, a simple black two-door mercedez, souped up under the hood, and bass kikcin' is better than those flashy painted cars with neon lights all over. reminds me of the strip of cubao girly bars. oh don't listen to me, i'm just jealous. haha. and i must give a shout out to the ambi pur girls. i would like to thank your parents for having you. rawr.

then i had dinner at val's house, with geo and mumu. it was a house warming thing. food was great, drinks were great. man, those docotrs sure know how to throw a grown-up party. haha! there was this one doctor who sang for what seemed like 7 hours straight. he ain't half bad. well, maybe half bad and half ok. val's younger sister drew me on her computer. talented kid. and really honest too. don't let your sister take your innocence from you! hehe.

yea, i had a good time talking to val and geo. one thing i found out, though, is that our decision (and by our, i mean me and her, who's name i won't mention. people who know me know who i'm talking about) is really final. for the time being, i don't think we'd ever be in the same room together. it sucks, but i think it will do us good. it's just that it's damn hard. boo.

oh well. the night ended with a small doghouse get together at jo's house. it was cool seing the kids. one of them just broke up with his girlfriend. told him to hang in there. seems like a lot of people got the shit kicked out of them by love this summer. i'm in good company.

stoned ant

2005-04-21T00:32:00.000+08:00

an ant. on stone. exciting.

i miss you...

say goodbye

2005-04-20T15:21:00.000+08:00

here is where the story ends. the happily ever after isn't written yet. well, either it isn't yet, or can't ever be. instead, a we'll take it from here and see what happens took its place. no regrets, it's been a fun run huh? this is not how i would've written it, though. boo.

oh well. hello, world.

jack and jill fo' real

2005-04-20T08:10:00.000+08:00

Jiznack n Jizzle wizzle up tha hill,
To fetch a pail of wata,
Jack fell dizzown n broke his crown,
And Jill came tumbl'n brotha J-to-tha-izzack gots n home he ran,
As fiznast as he could baller his killa bound his heezee,
with vinegar n brizzay papa

gizoogle it mutha'

telepono

2005-04-19T21:18:00.000+08:00

Ngayong gabi, pag nagriring ang telepono
ikaw ang naiisip ko tumawag ka, tumawag ka tumawag ka naman
dahil kailangan lamang marinig ang boses mo o ngayong gabi'y managinip
managinip muli tayo sa sarili nating mundo..

doomed all the way

2005-04-19T09:49:00.000+08:00

host: do you have any talents?

female contestant: yes. i can sing, dance... and sing and dance.

damn. we're still gonna be a third-world country for the next hundred years.

not 50 words

2005-04-19T00:28:00.000+08:00

i never understood that street sign, the one with the big red exclamation point. i know it says yield. slow down. look both ways. but does anyone notice it anymore? i mean, i don't think anybody even glances at it. it's not like a do not enter sign, or a one way. those things are taken seriously. but a yield sign? pimples are given more attention. but if you think about it, it's one of the more important things on the road. well, that and those dates-for-rent down on quezon avenue. wouldn't you wanna take one home to mom? haha. seriously, though, i think it's one of those signs that people should start looking at. at least i should.

it's been a while since i slowed down. i mean, how many people actually still go to the gym, shoot some hoops, have coffee, read a book, and not say more than 50 words the whole time? it's nice really. i heard thoughts that i've pushed back in my head, way behind this summer's thesis and the fact that i have two in-grown toenails. well, i've got a lot on my mind and they're always talking at the same time. the important things to me drown in the noise. being alone is a very welcome change i think. i guess what i'm trying to say is that, modesty aside, i've given so much to everyone, but i've never figured out what i wanted. i've always had an open ear to people, but i never tuned it inward.

things are different now. when you get to read this, you know what i mean. but i guess time is what we need to know what we want huh? it's one of those necessary evils, like dentists (misplaced humor here. haha whatever). we've been avoiding it but now we're forced to have time apart. it sucks, but it will be worth it in the long run, i guess. things have a way of working out.

heavy stuff. well, on a lighter note, i took out one in-grown now. hooray. one more to go.

the space between

2005-04-17T22:33:00.000+08:00

the highlight of my week: crabs for dinner. yup. the pinnacle is covered with a saucer-full of shellfish meat. it's been such a horrible past few days. it's been one of those hot streaks where everyday, it's getting just a little bit harder to breathe. maroon 5 was right. bada-bing. anyway yea it feels as if the air is thicker. and it's like getting up each day is becoming more of a chore. coz i know the day holds nothing. bleh. i'll leave the melodrama for another day. i don't feel like writing about it.

well anywho, at least a while ago i had a nice dinner. i haven't had one in such a long time. and the eating was quite the experience. it's like finding this little anchor. it's been rough above water that it's nice to know that there are somethings you like that don't change. but the distance between forgetting what you ought to and remembering it again is about an inch. seeing the bottom of the plate is like a wake up call. good morning mon. you're life sucks again. but it's all good.

remember kids: if it doesn't kill you, you're stronger. labo.

whoamanpower

2005-04-17T09:59:00.000+08:00

last night was a blast! i went to this nu 107.5 event in metrowalk. it's a concert called himaya, which i think means heaven in bicolano, or something like that. anyway, it was a concert celebrating women. so the theme of the night was kind of like lilith fair-ish. a lot of bands performed, and of course they were all female bands. cynthia was great, as usual. so were imago and color it red. and barbie's cradle. duh hehe. there was brownbeat allstars din and a couple of bands i failed to notice.

i was there with gus and val. and after barbs, there was little mayuga-almalbis family reunion. val and melissa, val's sister, who looks like a doll by the by, met up with barbs backstage and got to trace how they were related. with the help of val's mom of course. the nice thing about this is, val got barbs's number, and she might go to the party on friday. i'm not saying that i'm expecting something as good as that to happen, but my mom always said that it doesn't hurt to pray.

i wanna take a minute and talk about the wonder that is the woman. but not today. coz my mom's pissing me off with her being so fucking moody so early in the fucking morning. well, so much for himaya huh? haha. oh and to add salt to this morning's injury, both side mirrors of this car we borrowed for the week got stolen. fucking masa. go get jobs idiots.

hello.

2005-04-15T16:32:00.000+08:00

If i could see you next monday it'd be alright

I'll just hold on to the memory of tonight

And i could smile at 3am

When i close my eyes and I pretend

That you're here

And you're listening

And you care about what I'm feeling

-b :">